regrets.

someone mentioned a typical scenario not too long ago about regret. when one is asked about their ambitions and goals set younger in life, did u achieved it by the end of your life. Many would say no, with family being a typical reason especially within then Asian upbringing. 'my parents had other plans for me' or 'my parents wanted me to do this' would be the typical answer would u not agree.

Siting here as my grandma sleeps on makes me realise so much more than just what my parents want for me, but the older generation's definition of FAMILY. this does vary between individuals but some of the older generation views family as all that we have at the end of day, and how family needs to stick together. they want n choose to meddle in some way to determine our future because they want what they didn't have or opportunities that weren't available to them. before u jump ahead and argue that shouldn't we dictate our own future, after all the phase 'your future is in your hands' has been drilled into our thick skulls at a very young age, to make the most out of life. Now this is often the crossroad that many young adults growing up in an Asian Culture face, do we do what we want or what our family wants for us.

Personally i think the decision is based on every individual, sit down and really think about what you want and the goals that your family has planned for you. take out of the equation family disappointment and all the emotional blackmail that might be used against you. Take some time off to reason out why the plans your family have tried to force upon you, gaining a better understanding on the reason behind it will give u a better approach in explaining your own plans to them. at then end of he day, you can either change your plans to align them to your family's expectations or set new plans with considerations. :)

everyone has a dark side, can u love mine?

i know this died i think a year ago? but I'm just occupied. its not meant to be read i guess, not anymore. i write for me so don't keep ur hopes up bout updates.

so after a year and 3 months, i guess its over. I'm still in denial. i keep thinking ur gonna come back n give me another chance but some part of me says this is what i need, to be alone and figure things out.  confused? these days i just try not to think, cos i cant help but hurt when i do. numb doesn't even begin to describe how i feel. being in constant morphine.. bottling it all up is pretty much how it is. of cos withdrawal from the world is an obvious, but i don't have space to be alone, so constantly keeping it together with a big smile plastered on my face when everyone ask how r u is a must. no i haven't told anyone else than the bff, not even my sisters.

the first week is suppose to be the worst, now i don't know if i have hit the worse yet, prob not if im questioning myself. how did Tuesday turned so abruptly . just waiting for him to think this thru i guess. Tuesdays used to be my fav day, now its ntg more than a reminder of what I've loss

Tuesday morning-Michelle branch
pls don't drive me home tonight,cos i don't want to feel alone,
Tuesday morning in the dark, i was finding out who i was.

falling... falling... anticipating the the moment where she will hit the concrete floor in which gravity has been pulling her to, she shuts her eyes close, wanting to slip away before she feels the pain. any pain.

blinking more than twice, not a scratch and in the middle of a meadow she stood, a jungle on her left with a creek on the side. not too distant a faint but distinct laughter she hears, children laughter mingled with shrieks of excitement. she follows, caution with every step treading on soft decayed leafs that form the ground, a blanket that covers her footsteps. as she approaches, she could see a bird mimicking the the exact same sound of laughter that she heard. she knew that she was alone, that there would be no children laughter or songs because around her stood the remains of her village once her home filled with joy and warmth. Now nothing stands but debris of her village, with no one to haunt her but only her memory...

new year's eve

while some of u may be filling yourself with booze and partying the night away til 2012, i'll stand in the middle of a 1million crowd with our heads fixed on the clouds watching these amazing fire display created by chemical reaction for our amusement. being part of the million other people i guess that doesnt make it very special now does it? but i'll be hand in hand with my mum and my dad and thw rest of my family which i havent spend new year's with in awhile. :) i know it means alot to my parents that i take some time out to spend such a simple moment with them and i guess i still am their little girl not just in their eyes but in my heart as well.

i love being close to my family, and i know at times its not what i want but it has been in my skin and pretty much part of me that family will always come second to none. so 2011 will close not with a bang but a warmth in my heart standing next to my familia. :)

never saw this coming,

never would i thought such a thing would happen to u, n of all days, my birthday.

i thought u were just busy and stressed out studying when i din hear from u, tho it hurt, i din wanna

be clingy.

when u called n told me what u've been thru within 24 hours, shock, pain and sadness hit all at once.

i was almost lost for words.

im keeping u in my prayer every night, and i long with all my heart to see that day that everything

will be as how it was, when exams was the most stressful thing in our lives.

i love u n im always going to be here for u.

im not going anywhere unless u tel me to.

i miss u terribly n all i can think off right now is how much i wanna see u n just hug u telling u its

gonna be alrite.

im close to tears as i think of

how severe the situation is.

pls take care of yourself, and i hope that everything will be alright soon.

1234 tell me that u love me more.

a few months ago if i was in d same position, i would have gladly walked away from this. Unfortunately right now, I'm giving myself reasons to stay,secretly wishing it'll work out when d walls r crumbling down. what changed over these few months? i don't Noe, i guess i liked u more than i thought i would.

i fail in playing mind games n i fell even though not hard but i did started to fall for u, which i don't wish to regret. somehow I'm getting fed up, fed up of feeling like an option when Ur my priority. there isn't a reason why u should be my priority if Ur gonna treat me like an option.

a friend told me that if u cant be sure or even be d least bit determined that u''ll still be around after 3 weeks, then Ur not worth d love I'm capable of giving. I'm hanging on by a thread, show me Ur determine to change, that this time its different as u claim n I'll stick around cos i am on d verge of walking out of this, out of u.

if Ur bored of me like how u usually are with Ur previous experiences then I'm here to say that I'm not like Ur previous experiences, i might look lost a lot n like a kid but i will walk if i think Ur just gonna waste my time n treat me like an old toy. show me that this time its different, i told u i dun care bout Ur past, or what u did, i love u for who u r with all Ur faults n flaws. i love u n i hope u still feel the same about me. < /3<>

the simple life

u said things r too complicaed in life, that u hav found the joy n purpose in life, n things r never that complicate. wel... 1st u freaked me out abit, n after the fact that u said u wer emy guru, that just made me speechless.

anyway, ur not the guy for me, cos u dont feel the way i feel about u. i have finall accepted that fact tonight n i feel alot freeier that i've been for awhile. i dont feel burdened down by a friendship that i wasnt sure about. u r simple n u mae me see that, but somehow im still not buying that ur a guru n spreading the knowledge to others part. but everyone has their own opinions i guess.

i loved u! i dont regret it but i do wished that it felt more more to me. that there was more to it then just lust but i honsetly dont think so. so sad to say, i've learnt things the hard way. to never fall so hard for anyone. to never rush n think once be4 over thinking n complicating urself.

ur one of the most unforgetable ppl n i've met in my life n u hav played an important role, but sad to say i dont see ur role in my life much more cos im sensing ur going a diff direction n our paths part not long after.

u've been a good friend walking me this part life, but i need to go now n take other risks n tries.

once upon a time u were my shining knight, a fairy tale i could never have. but all fairy tales r never real n they always come crashing down to a unhappy ever after. i loved u, bu now i dont... i've let go n u have a long time ago. i dont really know u anymore n i dont think i ever will now. u were once my friend but u found ur own way that is very different from mine, so farewell to my dear... my once upon a time...