i hate watching emotional drama's cos they make me think n cry. i hate what the character hates n feels for the character. maybe its just emotionas taking over rite now but i was looking forward to seeing u tonight. u gave me hope, being the naive girl i am, i fell for it. u say i take things to seriously, i guess thats the way i am. im not ur type i know that, but we both lead each other on.. i guess we're friends with benefits but its an emotional drain. there's someone who loves me n is waiting for me but i dont feel this way with him, the way i feel about u, is it the chase that keeps me hanging around? i dont know. i dont like chasing something i cant or will never get, if i put up the energy to get something i expect it to be mine one day. n if its nt gonna happen i should stop before i get burned in this game.
i thought we were more than friends, i think we are but im never sure. i liked u before n i do like u.. its funny how i dont like the things i alrdy have as much as the things i dont have. its the twisted way i function. the way i wish i was a functional individual who would appreciate this guy who loves me n wants me to be forever with me, but im not! im weird n dysfunctional but i do like u, even tho we cant talk everyday cos we run out of things to say but i do like u in a unsure-where-or-how-this-will-go-way.
i need to snap out of this, wat isit with me n love? its like cupid loves tricks n love just cant wait to give the right guy. u said i reminded u of the song umbrella, wel.. its raining but im alone standing there with an umbrella with no one to save.
im breaking down a wall a never knew existed, a defence that i never thought i'll trigger. but when everything around me isnt the way i thought it would be, those walls keeps the lil insecure girl i am in, to protect her from unfamiliar ground. i know i take things too seriously sometimes, im a kid who plans everything n if it doesnt go according to plan, i panic n the red alerts in my head go off. im hyperly childish with a predictably but quite often that i like to admit im serious, n take things rather literally. i work hard but not smart as im too impulsive. i say before i think, n im only a bitch if u mess with my loved ones. im a forgiver if u mess with me cos i believe in forgive ur enemies but this doesn't apply when its someone i love that gets hurt. im selfish n am a big spender, i love new things cos they give me joy for an hour till i put them in my closet n shut the door together with my excitement. i Chanel my emotions where it shouldnt n look for materialistic love.. this is me, the bare n naked truth of me that no one knows, which is admited to no one.
