never saw this coming,

never would i thought such a thing would happen to u, n of all days, my birthday.

i thought u were just busy and stressed out studying when i din hear from u, tho it hurt, i din wanna

be clingy.

when u called n told me what u've been thru within 24 hours, shock, pain and sadness hit all at once.

i was almost lost for words.

im keeping u in my prayer every night, and i long with all my heart to see that day that everything

will be as how it was, when exams was the most stressful thing in our lives.

i love u n im always going to be here for u.

im not going anywhere unless u tel me to.

i miss u terribly n all i can think off right now is how much i wanna see u n just hug u telling u its

gonna be alrite.

im close to tears as i think of

how severe the situation is.

pls take care of yourself, and i hope that everything will be alright soon.

1234 tell me that u love me more.

a few months ago if i was in d same position, i would have gladly walked away from this. Unfortunately right now, I'm giving myself reasons to stay,secretly wishing it'll work out when d walls r crumbling down. what changed over these few months? i don't Noe, i guess i liked u more than i thought i would.

i fail in playing mind games n i fell even though not hard but i did started to fall for u, which i don't wish to regret. somehow I'm getting fed up, fed up of feeling like an option when Ur my priority. there isn't a reason why u should be my priority if Ur gonna treat me like an option.

a friend told me that if u cant be sure or even be d least bit determined that u''ll still be around after 3 weeks, then Ur not worth d love I'm capable of giving. I'm hanging on by a thread, show me Ur determine to change, that this time its different as u claim n I'll stick around cos i am on d verge of walking out of this, out of u.

if Ur bored of me like how u usually are with Ur previous experiences then I'm here to say that I'm not like Ur previous experiences, i might look lost a lot n like a kid but i will walk if i think Ur just gonna waste my time n treat me like an old toy. show me that this time its different, i told u i dun care bout Ur past, or what u did, i love u for who u r with all Ur faults n flaws. i love u n i hope u still feel the same about me. < /3<>

the simple life

u said things r too complicaed in life, that u hav found the joy n purpose in life, n things r never that complicate. wel... 1st u freaked me out abit, n after the fact that u said u wer emy guru, that just made me speechless.

anyway, ur not the guy for me, cos u dont feel the way i feel about u. i have finall accepted that fact tonight n i feel alot freeier that i've been for awhile. i dont feel burdened down by a friendship that i wasnt sure about. u r simple n u mae me see that, but somehow im still not buying that ur a guru n spreading the knowledge to others part. but everyone has their own opinions i guess.

i loved u! i dont regret it but i do wished that it felt more more to me. that there was more to it then just lust but i honsetly dont think so. so sad to say, i've learnt things the hard way. to never fall so hard for anyone. to never rush n think once be4 over thinking n complicating urself.

ur one of the most unforgetable ppl n i've met in my life n u hav played an important role, but sad to say i dont see ur role in my life much more cos im sensing ur going a diff direction n our paths part not long after.

u've been a good friend walking me this part life, but i need to go now n take other risks n tries.

once upon a time u were my shining knight, a fairy tale i could never have. but all fairy tales r never real n they always come crashing down to a unhappy ever after. i loved u, bu now i dont... i've let go n u have a long time ago. i dont really know u anymore n i dont think i ever will now. u were once my friend but u found ur own way that is very different from mine, so farewell to my dear... my once upon a time...

HOME SICK

i tot i could count on u, guess i was wrong. its the simple things that count, gues ur right, i dont know u at all. i should stop acting like i do cos i thought i did. i'll rather be a nerd at home than to hang out with u till late, cos i just realised what i meant to u. im upset, can u blame me? u could hav FREAKIN replied 1 of my texts. just so i know, but u had me waiting till after dinner time. i dont even wanna talk now.

i miss home, i miss knowing ppl n driving to places to get my own food. i miss walking to the shops when i cpulsnt drive. i miss my darlings who would be there for me n the times we hanged out. i miss my sisters no matter how much they annoyed me, i miss my cell memebers n youth group. i miss being in FAMILIAR TERRITORY! i miss my exbf hu always took care of me, i miss the guy i had a soft spot for n still do.. i wish i had a wish right now, i could use the days where it was simpler than this, the days where i never had to worry about if im having lunch alone, the days where i made friends easily, the times where i din hide in my shell cos i knew what there was to know.


can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars,
i really could use a wish right now..

bare

i hate watching emotional drama's cos they make me think n cry. i hate what the character hates n feels for the character. maybe its just emotionas taking over rite now but i was looking forward to seeing u tonight. u gave me hope, being the naive girl i am, i fell for it. u say i take things to seriously, i guess thats the way i am. im not ur type i know that, but we both lead each other on.. i guess we're friends with benefits but its an emotional drain. there's someone who loves me n is waiting for me but i dont feel this way with him, the way i feel about u, is it the chase that keeps me hanging around? i dont know. i dont like chasing something i cant or will never get, if i put up the energy to get something i expect it to be mine one day. n if its nt gonna happen i should stop before i get burned in this game.

i thought we were more than friends, i think we are but im never sure. i liked u before n i do like u.. its funny how i dont like the things i alrdy have as much as the things i dont have. its the twisted way i function. the way i wish i was a functional individual who would appreciate this guy who loves me n wants me to be forever with me, but im not! im weird n dysfunctional but i do like u, even tho we cant talk everyday cos we run out of things to say but i do like u in a unsure-where-or-how-this-will-go-way.

i need to snap out of this, wat isit with me n love? its like cupid loves tricks n love just cant wait to give the right guy. u said i reminded u of the song umbrella, wel.. its raining but im alone standing there with an umbrella with no one to save.

im breaking down a wall a never knew existed, a defence that i never thought i'll trigger. but when everything around me isnt the way i thought it would be, those walls keeps the lil insecure girl i am in, to protect her from unfamiliar ground. i know i take things too seriously sometimes, im a kid who plans everything n if it doesnt go according to plan, i panic n the red alerts in my head go off. im hyperly childish with a predictably but quite often that i like to admit im serious, n take things rather literally. i work hard but not smart as im too impulsive. i say before i think, n im only a bitch if u mess with my loved ones. im a forgiver if u mess with me cos i believe in forgive ur enemies but this doesn't apply when its someone i love that gets hurt. im selfish n am a big spender, i love new things cos they give me joy for an hour till i put them in my closet n shut the door together with my excitement. i Chanel my emotions where it shouldnt n look for materialistic love.. this is me, the bare n naked truth of me that no one knows, which is admited to no one.

the harder i try, the tighter u grip.

im tired of the emotional stress u put me thru, its unintential i noe but ur making it so freakin hard to let me go. cant u see im alrdy gone?

dont try to save the broken pieces cos what we had is a memory, a faded perfect picture. it shows happy faces that once was but no longer is. i've changed n moved on... i no longer feel the need to hang on to precious broken pieces of what used to be our love.

i dont mean to leave u behind but i warned u before that this was gonna happen, i dont want to tear u to pieces but i need to break free from ur sufforcating grip on my life. it was my part to play your other half but is no more. just say goodbye... or good night if good bye is too hard, n when u wake up inthe morning, this would have been a beautiful dream..

tell me what i want to hear.

he's a friend who i like to hang out with! i just got to noe him. he tells me his problems, n he hides away his feelings, i noe that cos he told me bout the girl that he loves. im happy for him. she's a nice girl, n they've been thru quite abit together.

so here's to him, all the best , dont forget i want details!!

ethics n business go together?

DON'T THINK SO esp in our modern day where everything is about making a profit. but i do agree that profit should be the outcome of a business n not the purpose of a business.

anyway.... i really should get back to writing that summary n evaluation assignment for BAS but at the moment i outta critical thinking mode. (random thought:im gonna LOVE/HATE my weds!) since my BAS lecture returns in week 10 or so? not to sure but my class on wed is gonna be from 3-4 pm. what a waste of time cos it takes 40min -an hour to get to uni n back. gahhh... but oh well... its not like i can skip that class till week 10. *hmm....nahh..* how ethical is dat..

on the other side of the polar, my thoughts are just running from saturday plans to me getting my new phone! its still a surprise! *whee..* i just hope its a good surprise, n pls dont let it be PINK * i should be thankful for getting a new phone altogether i noe, cos my current one is being taped together... literally.

but yea, new phone n im still dire need of making new REAL friends! like seriously, i never thought i'll hav this problem till now (no, im not a bitch who thinks im cool n the world worships the ground i walk on, im just used to being transfered alot to new schools that i thought i knew what it takes to start over again.) but apparently NO! not when im in a foreign land with ppl of different mindset, not to mention, i barely get their jokes... this isnt getting any easier.

*yawn* okay, i seriously need to get back to where ethics n stuff so im out!

lots of hugs,
grace...

blurry thoughts with a pinch of anger

went out with him today, im not afraid to say it here, that we swapped saliva n he left me feeling with the exact same feeling the last time, the emptiness n awkward feeling that we were ntg but friends again. i dont know how it happened.

one min, we were just checking out submarines n the battleships n the next we were making out in a cubicle. n after that we just walked back n it felt like we were strangers all over, how can something so good be so strange in a split second. i wish it was simpler, that life was simple, where there was no in betweens.

my aunt was also rather pissed at me earlier, going on bout how inconsiderate i am for not calling when i was on skype with my mum!! n how i never called back when i didnt even get her call in the 1st place. she's making it a big deal like how she always does. gosh, i cant stand her sometimes.

things that just go thru my mind now r blurry.... a mix of school work, boys and home. i wonder why do we girls make stuff more complicated then it should be. 1+2doesnt make it 3 for us, its makes it 2+1 or 3+0 or 4-1, basically its just twisted.

im glad i can just breathe here without the fear of some kind of authority figure reading my blog n calling me the next day telling me to explain this n that..


lots og hugs,
grace

dedicated to the one i lovED n lost.

its funny how i think about u now, how now that its over, that im with someone else but of all times, u just ran thru my mind n i wonder how r u doing? i noe u prob hate me rite now, i dun blame u, i never will if u do. all d songs that we use to play r playing thru my headphones n it remindsme how our new years eve was like. do u remember? i remember d song try playing n we kissed by d wall in ur room, just d 2 of us, like d whole world ceased to exist. im sorry i was cruel, im sorry i was cold, i really dinno how to tell u that there was someone else.

n of all ties d day be4 my econs exam 2moro i think of u, d way we used to be, how i felt be4 n way d real thing dare i say love felt. cos i did fell in love, i loved the way u loved me. but love alone wasnt strong enough to keep us alive. to me from not falling out of it with u. u were d same boy i fell for, i wasnt d same girl. i noe i hurt u, it wasnt easy for me as wel.. i noe u dont believe this but i had so much thought be4 that, so much tears that i would flood my pillow, ur d only one hu i can cry my heart out n yet love u just as much.


just because i broke it off, doesnt mean i din bleed. u dont noe how much of a part u played in my life, n for that i thank u. believe me when i said i never saw our goodbye, i never pictured it as i did. im sorry i crushed ur fairy tale, ur best companion, for not keeping promises. i loved u n i wish u all d best in life. smile n stay positive, i noe u'll find someone better den me. take care, n i will stalk u on fb form time to time. :P